“You have cancer”
The three words whose effect is unimaginable. It leaves a deep, lasting scar on the patient; physically, mentally and emotionally. However, the patient isn’t the only one bearing the pain. Cancer diagnosis fills even their loved ones with a sense of dread and grief This sinking feeling of losing someone you love so much, the feeling of numbness, weakness- This is a feeling that can only be described through a first-hand experience.
So to elucidate on this, we at TCP had a discussion with two such people who had a recent experience with cancer. My friend’s grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer. He was undergoing treatment for Alzheimer’s when the shocking news of cancer diagnosis reached them. She was only 9 or 10 years old back then. He passed away within a couple months.
“At first, I didn’t really believe he was diagnosed with cancer. We had ruled out the early symptoms as Dementia, Alzheimer’s, or simply old age. Having spent almost my entire life with him, he was more of a parent to me than my own parents.”, she says. Her grandparents lived with them, and their bond was unbreakable. So, on hearing that he had very little time to live, she was shaken. When asked about this situation, she said, “It was scary, knowing I wouldn’t see him around, not be able to fool around with him, have our nightly 11 p.m. adda-sessions when we laughed our hearts out.” Being only 9, her parents didn’t want her to be around and see such suffering, so these long 11 pm conversations where time stood still, were reduced to 5-minute chit-chats. This not only had an effect on her emotionally but quickly reflected in her school life. During class hours, she found herself worrying constantly and praying that he recovers magically. However, she says, “knowing he wouldn’t have wanted me to be dragged down ‘cause of him, I made it a point to actually better myself, academically. I worked on making myself stronger, for his sake.”
But, as human nature is, she had her bad days too, when all effort seemed futile. When asked about her coping methods, she said she used to cheer herself up by distracting herself. Instead of thinking about losing him, she focused on the little conversations they had, and went down memory lane, reminiscing about all the times they had cherished together.
Soon after, he passed away. This left her broken but she says it also taught her some valuable lessons. “I came to terms with the fact that no one stuck with you forever; life must go on. I decided to learn from the people around me and to appreciate them, as you never know when it would be the last time you heard from them.”
“If you could talk to your past self, what’s one piece of advice you would give her whilst she’s going through this tough time?”, I asked her.
“Be strong. Cherish the memories you have together. Remember the good times. Everyone is here only for a certain amount of time, and when it is over, they must leave.”, she replied. It’s scary how death can change and mature a little child, in drastic ways.
“Always keep the memories locked up inside your heart, and be glad that this wonderful person had once been a part of your life.”, she ascertained.
We also had a short conversation with her mother. She says that having to take care of her father alongside managing the household all by herself was often overwhelming. However, it left her stronger than ever, ready to battle the storm. She, being a doctor herself, was able to provide an interesting insight into the medical aspect of caregiving. She noticed the discrepancies in the field of oncology and was kind in sharing her observations with us.
Cancer diagnosis came as a shock to them. While battling Alzheimer’s disease, who knew that such a fatal illness was creeping its way inside? This changed the way she looks at her patients now.
“After handling cancer inside my family, I now look at all my patients with a new extra angle-hope this is not cancer, hope I don't miss out on it, as for my father, it came like a stealth killer ...so silent, and in disguise…”
She soon became her father’s walking stick. It was as if she had become the parent and him the crabby, vehement child, difficult to pacify. It was a complete role reversal. But she knew she had to be strong in order to support him in these tumultuous times. She knew they had very little time left together and so tried bringing their friends together, called their relatives and give him “the maximum happiness during his last days”. She resonates with her daughter when she says that we should cherish the life we have. “The greatest lesson I learnt was to live life to the fullest each day, for we know, we are not to last forever in this earth”, she says.
We proceeded to talk about oncology and cancer prognosis in whole. I asked her about the discrepancies that she had noticed in the medical practice. To this she gave us a very informative response.
“Oncology has still not been able to percolate into the masses that routine and regular general check-ups are so essential to pick up early Cancer and now , with advances in the field, early detection and early treatment is the way forward Also, more safer, less invasive and less tissue destructive treatments are the way forward and the research should now focus on targeted therapy / customised therapy as per each individual's tolerability..
The latest advances / research in medical science should be directed towards a safer, cheaper and easier patient-compliable and compatible treatment. Each person's therapy should be tailored according to the patient's needs. The challenge of the future lies in being able to predict and apprehend the disease before it invades…”
“Keep a positive approach to Cancer, fight it out and come out of it like any other illness...it is curable if detection is early.. and days are near when we will detect it even before it attacks...the future is near”, she added, providing us the hope we all desperately needed.
She advises all caregivers to maintain composure and put up a smile in front of the patient, even if they might be fighting a silent battle deep inside. Spending quality time with them and keeping them happy is extremely necessary and vital.
The journey now allows her to guide others in her light; others in the same frenzied position as she once was.
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It is obvious that cancer has a major impact on patients and caregivers alike. Keeping spirits high whilst the battle looms overhead is just as important as taking quick, necessary steps to improve their physical condition. Cherishing the past, as well as letting go of it, is of astronomical importance, as ironic as it might sound.
Let us all come together and support those in need. A simple gesture to make them smile can have an impact that is inconceivable. It is like providing a few drops of water to a slowly wilting flower… So let’s promise to revive those poor withering plants with the little drops that we have. You never know which one can bloom into the most enchanting flower.